every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up under a house in Key West
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