capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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