Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
