see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
