My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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