I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
