a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
