This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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