so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
