I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
