i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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