he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I love you. Go after that dick
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
