remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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