Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
