come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
