I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
