I'm jealous of your bromance
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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