my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
