Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
