You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I am spending my child support on dildos
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
