In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
