when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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