Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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