8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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