I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
