it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
