my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
