he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
