The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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