He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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