i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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