The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
