where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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