I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
