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....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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