overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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