Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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