Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
