??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
