i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
