and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
