Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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