we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
