You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
