hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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