So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You left your underwear on the fireplace
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
