Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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