he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
