One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
