i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
