remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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