Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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