No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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