You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
