Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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