My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
